New
becomes old
Obsession
fades away
Everything
dust crumbles
Only
you remain
only you only you only you only you only you only you only you only you only you only you only
i shrink into the middle ground
trapped on one side
penned on the other
light mixes with the darkness in my eyes
still blind i fall into the silk-soft trap
of my own filth
it brushes against my skin
rushing up my nostrils
saturating my lungs
i suffocate
without you
God
life stirs again
you find me and i grasp
weak
cling tight
i let go
let go of your love
and death devours me
until i open to you again
God
see your face blur in the distance
you aren't blurred
i am
you are here
i forget to close my eyes
to see you are close
closer than my sight
my breath
my heart
you are life
no one dies in you
God
When Fr. Joseph Honeycutt spoke at the Winter Youth Retreat a couple of years back, he talked about how, when he was working on his doctorate. He told one bishop about his idea and what he was trying to show about it in his Thesis. The bishop - who was not very fluent in speaking English - replied: "The wedding was good; the marriage is bad."
This came to mind on Wednesday after I spoke with my drawing professor about class. I told him I felt like my conceptual abilities were ZIP!!
We got on to talking about how I'm an English Major, Art Minor. I told him I felt like my "writing self" was tugging me in one direction and my "art self" was tugging me in another. If I focus on my writing, I feel like I'm sacrificing my art, and if I pay attention to my art, my writing suffers.
"Your first mistake was separating those two," my drawing professor said.
It was a definite light bulb moment.
I need to use my strengths to work together instead of setting them against each other. It made sense (yes, I can be very dense sometimes). Still, I had no idea what to do.
I made my way to the computer lab, to the tower for lunch, pondering.
Finally, I realized: I need to get married!! XD
My "writing self" and "art self" have only really flirted with each other. And, they've mostly been separated. But now, I discovered, it's time to go down for the long haul.
This morning was unusual. The cloud cover was dense and it was grey and windy. Squeezed close. Not cold, but not hot, either.
There's a sort of death, walking through the world, not noticing. The rhythm, the wind's dance, the trees as they grow, paying head only to the sun's warmth.
It's so easy to forget.
On Sunday, she stood on the patio, alone, and watched the sun gently touch the Wild Olive's leaves, fanned wide. Open, ready, waiting. Expectant.
"The Beholder," that's what some crazy chick with a blog calls herself.
She used to notice.
On this dark morning, she woke up.
What apathy has infected her? Has infected the world?
"Follower of Christ" and "Light Bearer" that's what her name means.
It means when the morning is darkest, she should still see the light.
Although I've had this blog sometime, I've only had my posts viewable to a few of my closest family and friends, which means I haven't been getting a whole lot of readers lately. Seeing as I'm a writer, I enjoy when there's an actual audience for my writing.
So, the thought occurred to me that I could possibly get more viewers if I 1) make my posts viewable to the public, and 2) post the links on my facebook so that people who I actually know will see them!! :D
I know, I'm a GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^.^
